Things are changing but being high risk, I don’t feel not fully ready to trust certain things yet – worried that the rug could again get ripped out from under us if we let our guard down.
I’ve been feeling a little lost lately…most of us have been living in survival mode for these past two years and it still feels like the future holds a lot of uncertainty. If I could do that, maybe I would then feel less overwhelmed by the fact that I, that we, have little to no control over any and all external circumstances. Not only that but I felt frustrated – feeling like I needed to be able to control my blood sugars. I felt physically sick and emotionally drained – so much on my mind and unsure of where to direct my energy.
#ALOT ON MYMIND PLUS#
Period hormones mixed with the state of the world plus high blood sugar equaled lots of feelings and plenty of tears. This past weekend, diabetes felt like it was taking over and I was dealing with 48 hours of stubborn highs. I saw a post on Instagram the other day that said something along the lines of “it’s hard to go on about your day when so much horrible stuff is happening around the world” and these past few days I’ve really felt that. And yes, finding that balance is a skill I’m still trying to master. While I think that’s important, making light of all the other emotions that we feel would be untrue to the collective human experience. Even more so now, as we all continue to heal from the trauma this pandemic brought, I think it’s important to give ourselves and each other permission to feel it all.Įver since being diagnosed with diabetes at age 11, I’ve always tried to find the positives – glass half full, turn lemons into lemonade type of mindset. I find that, especially with social media highlight reels, it’s very easy to fall into patterns of toxic positivity – removing all aspects of what it is to be human. These past few years have been an emotional roller coaster and during this pandemic I’ve found myself drawn to the people who are unafraid to share the messy, imperfect parts of life alongside all the good ones. As we officially hit two years of this pandemic, we are also bearing witness to completely unnecessary violence against the people of Ukraine, more hate towards trans kids and members of the LGBTQ+ community in Florida and Texas and further actions being taken to ban abortion access in certain states. The world has been feeling extra heavy lately. I had something else I wrote that I was going to share today but this felt more accurate to where I’m at right now.